and if you're in love
by glossier
Summary: They were never meant to have a happy ending, anyway. — Zuko/Katara


**and if you're in love  
**(_you are the lucky one, because most of us are bitter over someone_)

* * *

.

.

.

His eyes aren't as golden, melting into azure orbs and drenched in remorse.

And this is how it will always be.

/

"_Well, I did fall in love with Katara.  
And I'll probably always love her,  
in the way you hold a special place in your heart  
for your first love_."

/

The first night they kiss is the night she forgives him. It's soft, he notices, her lips, after she initiates such a thing on him. Though she tells him _he's_ the one that had come to her tent that night. And for once, he couldn't argue.

He hadn't known how to react the first couple of seconds. It's a peck at first, soft and sweet. And then they're looking at each other under the pearl moon and suddenly he's pulling her by the waist and she's fiddling with his hair; lips are hard on each other and maneuvering here and there – and before they could clumsily stumble back into her tent, he hesitates.

Her cheeks are burning and she's staring at the grass below her feet. He awkwardly has his hand at the back of his neck and his voice cracks instinctively.

"Well, um…" his eyes can't focus, roaming around the sky for assistance in his speech. "That was… nice."

She would laugh, but she's too embarrassed. "Good night, Zuko."

Before he knows it, she's back inside her tent, flap closed. Her scent clings to him, still faint in the atmosphere of vanilla and berries. It's from then on, Zuko knows he's fucked.

/

Perhaps they were obvious at times, when they hadn't intended to be. When it came to their group splitting up during tasks, from picking berries and Appa's shedding to finding shelter to running away. They were always together. Aang was modest at times, telling his friends to go ahead while he would run the opposite direction, unbeknownst that the waterbender would duo up with her equal match, her brother left with Toph.

Aang hadn't noticed, too much preoccupying his mind. (They're in a fucking war.) Sokka hadn't either, too oblivious to his surroundings. Toph saw it, though. (Ironically.)

She first notices when it's the break of dawn. She's the first one up, mainly because she needs to take a piss and then rummage around the sight for some breakfast, _preferably some eggs_, she thinks. She exits her boulder hut of a shelter quietly before she feels a tingle at her feet because foot steps are padding at a distance, soft and light coming from her right – Katara's tent. But it's not Katara's shuffling she hears when she leans against her boulder and out comes the banished prince, slowly and softly making his way to his own.

Toph doesn't tell anyone. She only smirks to herself because she already knows this isn't going to end well. Toph knows a lot of things.

/

He is eighteen when he's crowned Fire Lord.

He is eighteen when he learns that his mother was sold as a slave.

He is eighteen when he loses his virginity to a (feisty, waterbending) maiden who is not his girlfriend.

/

When Aang finds out, (_Agni_ knows how, Zuko would panic – but it's all in the way Katara kicks his feet under the dining table and how he looks at her with a raised brow and how they both seem to disappear after every meal) he sees the waterbender in an entirely new light.

His anger begins childishly; he simply avoids her. He flies more, observes more, talks less. It continues with disrespect – snarky comments here and there about touchy subjects, subjects he'll know that'll get a rise out of her. He'll talk about purity and saving one's innocence and not weakly succumbing to desires. She'll narrow her eyes in his direction and he'll simply shrug, acting superior – and well, he _is_ the avatar.

And when she'll have had enough, (because she's Katara and she may be a waterbender, but she's got the most fire out of all of them) she'll exclaim, "What's your problem?!"

"Why not you ask yourself that question, Katara?" he'll shoot right back and her eyes harden. Before she could interject, he continues. He's had enough of this running.

(—and silence and secrets and betrayal)

"I'm not the one giving myself away to someone who is _engaged_."

He's bitter and heartbroken and all he wants is for her to feel the same way. It's only natural for him to be like this, Toph tells him. And maybe later, when he'll see how much his words had affected her, he'll regret it instantly and attempt to make things better.

He won't be able to do that, though.

/

He is Fire Lord Zuko, a firebending master, and the successor of Ozai. He has a royal mark on the left side of his face and he is professionally trained in the art of swords. He is also destined to marry a Fire Nation Noble.

And he has known his bride since he was ten years old.

/

They argue more.

It's a spitting image of how they'd been before.

She talks about respect and fate and things that will never be – all their wants and their needs and responsibilities. She mentions how they'd been selfish, not only with each other, but to their friends and to their realms and just how badly they'd been representing their nations.

And he argues back because he is Zuko and she is Katara and all they are good at is playing with fire.

He defends them, tells her that what they have is real, that it's worth fighting for and working around. And once that damned (four-letter, one syllable, fucking _striking_) word escapes his lips, she cries and he'll move toward her, fingers grazing her chin and eyes soft with guilt.

Katara pushes him, using every ounce of her strength to avoid looking him straight in those broken honey eyes. But he ignores her movement as he tries to wrap his arms around her frame, craving the way her body fits in his in such a simple embrace. It would reassure the both of them, make them feel that they stand a chance in these complicated conditions.

"_Don't touch me_!" she screams.

(and even when her eyes are drowning, she still has the will to spit fire)

"Katara," he breathes, voice raspy and drained.

He draws both hands to cup her face to which she retaliates venomously, "Don't _ever_ touch me."

He repeats her name more firmly, despite how wet his eyes have gotten.

"We can't see each other anymore," and it's as if she's bent the water from her eyes since she's no longer crying when her pupils meet his. She's fighting the urge, he would know. He knows her the best, after all.

"I know you don't want that."

And he's right, and she knows this because she knows him best. She knows that he knows that what she really wants is to forget – the pain, the differences, everything that stands between them. She wants to melt into his touch and bite onto his tongue, (rather than into her own, just as she is right now) and it's as if he's reading her mind. It's in the way he's about to seal this promise of lust before she spreads her fingers just in the moment before his lips were to meet hers.

And then he's on the ground, and it had all happened too fast for the both of them. She's crying again, and it's too much for her to multi-bend. She shakily mumbles quiet _sorry's _repetitively, feeling his boiling blood in the magic of her fingertips.

Katara keeps him entangled in his own limbs until she is fully outside of his quarters. She shuts his door and frees him, hearing his muffled sobs and choking back her own.

She's never hated herself more.

/

She comes to his wedding.

She watches Mai walk down the aisle, and Zuko say his vows. She is announced Queen of the Fire Nation, and this is the part where Katara is supposed to clap, so she does. At the reception, she eats their food and laughs when Suki's face blooms bright red when she accidentally bites into a pepper kabob. And when Sokka gets piss drunk, it's a hilarious sight for all of them.

They don't speak, not once.

The one time their gazes lock, his orbs aren't as bright as they had been before, piercing into the seas that are her eyes. He remembers sharing the most because that was their in between. It's how they worked, how they loved, how they cherished each other.

(all those shared kisses and thoughts and empathy and heartbreak)

She looks away the same time he gulps.

And he still loves her, painfully so.

* * *

**fin.**

* * *

**_a/n:** I started this a ridiculously long time ago, back when dante basco recited his zutara confession for the fans. Never got around to finishing it until now. Hope you liked? Please review!


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